i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
50% drunk capacity currently
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
