That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
as a side note pls kill me
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