I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
