just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize