I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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