worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So squirting runs in the family.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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