Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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