I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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