I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
