I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
