I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
