wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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