So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize