he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
