went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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