Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
