I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
