singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
