Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
