just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
