He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
