You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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