Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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