He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
