Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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