im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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