i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
