billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
