I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
