I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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