She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
