Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
