nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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