The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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