Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
