apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
