Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
