If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
