Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
