his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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