no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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