He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
