You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
