EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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