Redeem this text for a blowjob
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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