sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
