Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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