Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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