I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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