Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
