I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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