I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
