if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
