Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
