You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
