Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
