Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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