I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
