You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
