Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
