if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
