Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
