Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
